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I think I'm losing all my friends. Is it normal?

Topic created ยท 44 Posts ยท 1715 Views
  • Guys, I just want to know if this happens to everybody during the course of their preparation or is it just me who is going through this?

    This is my first attempt at UPSC. I'll be giving prelims on June 2nd. All my friends are either working or studying abroad.

    They're enjoying life-watching movies, going out on road trips, clubbing,shopping, going for team lunches.

    I have given up on all of this completely.

    However, since I have no one( all my friends have shifted outside cuz of work. There's not a single person in my city), I feel quite lonely everyday. Besides, some of my classmates from my UPSC class also keep going on week long trips with their friends. I feel like maybe I'm taking the exam too seriously. If they don't crack the exam, they'll at least have their friends. If I don't crack the exam l will not even have that privilege as I cut them off completely.

    My friends do call me but that's just like once a month or so. And talking over call isn't the same as meeting them.

    Also, the last time I spoke to a friend over call, which was around 2 months back- my friend told me "you're cutting yourself off from everyone. You're sacrificing so much for an exam where there is no guarantee that you will crack even if you study for 24 hours a day. Is it worth giving up everything for this? You'll lose friends, your time, your youth. Is it really worth it? Think about it."

    He didn't say that to hurt me. He was concerned about me. But it triggered me really bad. I cried so much. I don't know why his words affected me. From that day, I have stopped receiving calls from my friends completely. It's been two months now since I spoke or chatted with my friends. I miss them and I do feel very lonely and uncertain about the future.

    Does this happen to everyone attempting the exam?

    I have heard stories of how people cut themselves off since 3-4 years so that they could secure a rank in UPSC. A lot of toppers keep saying how it is important to cut off from the outside world, avoid friends, distractions and social media. That's what I have done too. All of this has made me focused but also lonely. I'm not at all depressed but kind of confused about where I'm heading.

    P.S: Guys, this is my first post. So, I'm sorry if I have started a discussion in the wrong place or something. I'm not aware of the protocols.

  • Ooh .. I happened to read ( beginning part only ๐Ÿ˜) this post because if itโ€™s title but now really donโ€™t have to time to write a detailed response ( didnโ€™t want to ignore also after reading ) ๐Ÿ˜.. just one thing I would like to write .. as you are giving pre on 2nd June so just single mindedly focus on study and study only .. nothing else ... this thing about making oneself isolated and all can be pondered over after 2nd June .

  • I think all of us do through this phase. Cautiously make friends in the UPSC zone, everything will be fine.

    A bit of socialization won't hurt as long as the priorities are clear.

  • skip this attempt
    if possible skip cse forever
    *chatur alert

  • @jina_the_conqueror
    You are not alone bro. People who used to flock around in the college don't even want to talk now.
    Most of my friends are in well paying corporate jobs or are in IIMs/abroad. People always think you are nobody unless you have result to show in your hand.

    I don't even have many UPSC friends since i took no coaching. But, isn't this isolation and rejection by friends a motivation in itself?
    Good luck bro.

  • its not necessary to remain cut off from all your friends while preparing for CSE. Talking to them once a week will not hamper your studies. Instead, it will be like a refreshment to you. Talk about politics, current happenings and everything else that is going around you.
    They are bound to feel that you are ignoring them if you dont receive their calls man. Some of them might even think that you are too proud. Just connect to them. 2 months is a long time to not to talk to your friends. I can understand your situation.
    The amount of time which you are wasting while thinking about all this can all be utilised to talk to your friends. Still you will be left with some more time. Dont be too harsh on yourself by being cut off from all your friends. Dont go by the talks of toppers. There are many toppers who have maintained healthy relationships with their friends and yet secured good ranks.

  • @jina_the_conqueror said in I think I'm losing all my friends. Is it normal?:

    Guys, I just want to know if this happens to everybody during the course of their preparation or is it just me who is going through this?

    This is my first attempt at UPSC. I'll be giving prelims on June 2nd. All my friends are either working or studying abroad.

    They're enjoying life-watching movies, going out on road trips, clubbing,shopping, going for team lunches.

    I have given up on all of this completely.

    However, since I have no one( all my friends have shifted outside cuz of work. There's not a single person in my city), I feel quite lonely everyday. Besides, some of my classmates from my UPSC class also keep going on week long trips with their friends. I feel like maybe I'm taking the exam too seriously. If they don't crack the exam, they'll at least have their friends. If I don't crack the exam l will not even have that privilege as I cut them off completely.

    My friends do call me but that's just like once a month or so. And talking over call isn't the same as meeting them.

    Also, the last time I spoke to a friend over call, which was around 2 months back- my friend told me "you're cutting yourself off from everyone. You're sacrificing so much for an exam where there is no guarantee that you will crack even if you study for 24 hours a day. Is it worth giving up everything for this? You'll lose friends, your time, your youth. Is it really worth it? Think about it."

    He didn't say that to hurt me. He was concerned about me. But it triggered me really bad. I cried so much. I don't know why his words affected me. From that day, I have stopped receiving calls from my friends completely. It's been two months now since I spoke or chatted with my friends. I miss them and I do feel very lonely and uncertain about the future.

    Does this happen to everyone attempting the exam?

    I have heard stories of how people cut themselves off since 3-4 years so that they could secure a rank in UPSC. A lot of toppers keep saying how it is important to cut off from the outside world, avoid friends, distractions and social media. That's what I have done too. All of this has made me focused but also lonely. I'm not at all depressed but kind of confused about where I'm heading.

    P.S: Guys, this is my first post. So, I'm sorry if I have started a discussion in the wrong place or something. I'm not aware of the protocols.

    hamari sunba na toh gania phat jayi

    its only yours 1st attempt bhai.....there are so many people including me who has given 2-4-5 year in this upsc preparation hamari socho

    log aate hai log chale jaate hai,this is a law of nature.....tumko akela hi ladna hai akela hi girna hai aur akele hi uthna hai

    har insaan ki life me sirf 2-3 imp (real) friends hote hai baaki sab matlabi hote hai,ther never wants ki tumahre saath accha ho.....so un 2-3 ke piche bhaago na ki jamane ke piche

  • @Exo Okay. I really have no other option apart from studying. Thanks though. I know my post is long...starting ka padh liya wohi bahut badi baat hai..:p

  • @Phagocyte Joining a library could help.

  • @batman Thanks man. All the best to you too.

  • @jina_the_conqueror Bhai. Go to sleep. And get to work tomorrow. You'll have friends, many of them as you go through this. Isn't this month important enough to not care about socialisation much? In the first attempt everything is so interesting and fun to read anyway.

  • @Raillife Sahi baat Kahi. Bas yahi jaana tha ki main akele toh nahi hoon who is going through this phase.

  • Dont Worry Just Study for Prelims barely One month is left Just fight with whatever energy and whatever preparation you have

    Calm Your Nerves
    Attaching Some Articles
    https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/use-neuroscience-to-remain-calm-under-pressure.html
    https://www.elitedaily.com/life/motivation/nervous-good-embrace-butterflies

    https://www.fastcompany.com/3042153/10-steps-to-keep-calm-and-carry-on

  • @Phagocyte So I'm not the only one then. And yes, I will definitely socialize, once I'm done with my exams. Just wanted to put these bad thoughts to rest.

  • @Freakhoto Thanks man. I'll definitely have a look at them.

  • @jina_the_conqueror Welcome ๐Ÿ™‚ Just Study This Month is crucial will have to prepare to deal with lot of stress and Insecurities So just focus on one thing at hand rather than going on for too many thing.. You can even stop coming to forum also if that is giving you Scary thought..
    This month requires Light Mood,Hope for the Best,Having Faith,Deciding How to Read all the Previous month Notes and Above All how will you approach the question irrespective of what Unpredictability UPSC Throws at our face

  • is case mein toh I am so fortunate yaar ...hmare friends hain jo pehle 2-3 saal job kiye India mein hi....phir iim se nikalkar loan repay kar rahe hain. Jinki loan repay ho gayi hai unpe ab shaadi ki pressure hai........

    P.S- kuch hi friends last tak reh paate hain....either you prepare for CSE or don't.

  • Why are you so much worried about things that are "renewable". You can make friends anytime in future, even if you don't get selected (God forbids); but do you really think that this moment of preparing and attempting the exam will ever come back to you again in future!
    Think it yourself and think rationally which you can since you have been preparing for this exam!
    You know brother there is no such thing as free lunch, you have to always pay the price, and this price can be your everything!
    So don't lose hope over such petty issues. If you clear ( I wish so), you will have so many people to make friends that you would like to run away from all of them! If, God forbids, you don't even then you WILL make new friends wherever you will go!
    Just focus on your goal nothing else.

    Always remember:
    "You have got what it takes,
    But it will take all that you've got!"

    Wishing you all the best and success in your endeavors!
    Prepare well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • In this very demanding and tedious journey the only genuine support system will be your parents and siblings(95% of the times)!
    Make sure you are always nice to them!
    All the best!

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