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I think I'm losing all my friends. Is it normal?

Topic created ยท 47 Posts ยท 3215 Views
  • Bhai sari gfs ki shadi ho gyi, friend ek bhi dhang Ka bacha NHI,
    Prelims nikalne ki uncertainty AJ bhi Bani hui hai, sab job Kar hai, me library me baithe sapne Bunn rha Hu...2-3 sal ho gye pass out hue, 2017 prelims me 76 no. The , 2018 me Diya NHI bar padha hai..ab Dekho kya hota hai...alone sab hai, sabki esa hi Lagta hai is phase me...

  • @Durkheim dil chura lia tum(u just stole my heart by ur words)

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  • @jina_the_conqueror

    ๐Ÿ˜ฌ.... you got really good advice here by some really good users ... just try to implement that now ๐Ÿ™‚.. good luck ๐Ÿ‘

  • Hi,

    I can understand your feeling and completely empathize with you. I have also faced this dilemma in my life.

    Brief about me: I am 28+ year old, working as a professional and preparing at the same. This will be my 4th attempt, though gave interview in earlier attempt as well.

    Pre-2016: I felt that before working, my life was super fun, living in Bengaluru, enjoying with my friends and team mates. I had lot of friends, partying with them over weekends. I like to travel and had dream of going for Euro Trip.

    Post-2016: I thought of preparing for UPSC, I leave my job and came to Delhi (thought, you have to be in Delhi to prepare for UPSC, and moreover, I had many friends in Bengaluru, with them I am spending lot of my time... stupid decision!!! ). So, I joined another organization and purposely, made distance between my office mates and myself, so that I can avoid parties and get-togethers.

    Yes, I cleared prelims and mains too in that attempt itself. But not interview. So, cycle of pre-mains-interview remains there.

    My dilemma was: I am already earning a handsome salary, way more than an IAS can earn (white money ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). I had sexy fun life. I could have moved to US like my other Software friends. But I chose otherwise. Here I am, 28 year old still preparing for UPSC, juggling between my work life, personal life and UPSC.

    But is it worth it? : No idea, I am not a guru. But what I can say is I am doing what I like. I want to be in service. Though it demands sacrifice, lots of it, but that everything in life demands.

    Will it be worth it in future if I clear? : No idea. But I will be going to a workplace where I want to.

    So, my philosophy is :
    "Just relax and do your bit"

    There is no need to take this exam seriously. Its just a part of life. And those who says - "studying for atleast 12 years is necessary", its bull shit and not at all required. This exam needs smart learning and understanding. And do remember, you just need approx 50% of the marks. Thats it!!

    So study, enjoy, play, roam around (Delhi is beautiful city, if you are in Delhi), make some new friends (positive people), video chat with your friends (but don't compare them with you).

    At the end, I tell you what I have written for myself:

    "I have sacrificed a lot for this, Now don't sacrifice it"

  • @Durkheim Golden words. ๐Ÿ˜Š I needed this consolation. Thank you.

  • @Freakhoto your words motivate me too

  • Even I too had just one school friend during college friends and as i prepared from home so no aspirant friend at all.But I enjoyed my company,family and focussed on the task at hand.And in academy,have made 4-5 lifelong best friends.So make your priority and go for it.

  • @jina_the_conqueror points m bta rha depth ko smjhna.

    1. You are not alone. Most of us have felt same at one or other time.

    2. Yesss ALL THIS PAIN, ALL THIS SECLUSION, ALL THIS ISOLATION etc is worthy. The day you clear this exam you will realise that.

    3. Friendship is not just about daily calling and messaging etc. It's much deeper. You will have 2 3 people in your life who will always be there irrespective of telephonic connection frequency. Just be respectful whenever you meet them. Let them taunt you about your BEPARWAAHI. You just keep saying "KMINO TUM JRURI HO. BUT ABHI IAS KRNA H. OR AGAR YE NHI SMJH M AATA TO BHAAD M JAO. Ban k call kruga agar nhi uthaya to ghar m ghus k marunga." Bss itta hi. True friends will always understand.

    4. Baaki "so called friends" - wo khi nhi jaa rhe. I rejoined social media after 6 years post selection. I got 99.99% of old friends back with 3500+ never known friends. Most of them appreciating my seclusion and efforts unconditionally.

    5. Make good serious aspirant friends in upsc preparation for daily discussion (try to make those who study more and talk less) . Baki college k 2 3 maximum chaddi yrr ko unke bday etc pe call krte rho bss.

    6. Yes you will lose 1 2 really good caring people in your life in this long journey. But you will get opportunity to get back to them too. Atleast to say sorry. They will not too hate you. But that much sacrifice is worthy for this exam.

    7. Read for prelims. It's just anxiety of prelims. You will feel better post prelims. Give your best. Achieve your best. ATB


  • @Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh Straight from the horse's mouth... I have one more reason to believe that "Kuch paane ke liye Kuch khona hi padta hai. And uss cheez ko paane ke baad, sab khoya hua bhi wapas mil jaata hai." Thank you sir and Congratulations!!

    Thanks to each and every Forumias member who answered my question and motivated me despite not knowing me personally. I felt refreshed reading your answers. We are all in this together and we will conquer this exam! Let's do it guys...all the best to everyone.

    Since most of you all said this is something that every aspirant goes through, your advice will be helpful for many upsc aspirants. You have not just helped me but many others. Thank you once again! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • @jina_the_conqueror
    Hello Jina. Don't worry much about your current state of affairs.

    Yes, it is not mandatory that you cut off all social associations. But even if you have done this ( deliberately or it just happened over time) accept it as part of the bigger sacrifice that UPSC demands. In the end you have to answer yourself: Did you do justice to the the voyage you undertook?

    Don't overthink. Accept the stage where you have reached and keep on going.

  • @Raillife bhai 2-3 bhi change hote rehte hain contextually. It's just that you have to be confident about yourself that you're worth the time of even strangers when you need it because you are yourself ready to do that for a stranger. Hak se maangte hain because we wear our hearts on our sleeves.

  • @Acidpop sahi kaha aapne bhai

  • Prepration of upsc teaches you to differentiate b/w people.It shatters all those childhood and college days friendships as most of upsc aspirants are on intellectual side .This is common with many aspirants,so no need to worry much.Try to socialise among fellow upsc aspirants and learn to move on in life.All the best.๐Ÿ™‚

  • @jina_the_conqueror Hello dear. Just wanted to say, you will find a new friend circle which will be aligned to your goal. One thing that we need to understand is that change will happen. Either the circumstances will change or your friend circle. The more effort that you put in clinging to your friend circle, the more heartbroken you will be. Let go, for once. Life has a way of throwing beautiful surprises, which will blow your mind. Concentrate on the forthcoming prelims for now. Those who understand your struggle will stick to you, no matter what.
    Stay blessed!

  • Be it upsc preparation phase or job or for that matter life, your friend circle is going to shrink, undergo filtering with time, for good or for bad. Change is inevitable. As many have said, don't over think cause it's normal. Learn to make efforts on your part too, to cherish the genuine friendships (could be family too). Also, be humble and helpful to other people (strangers) that you come across in your daily routine/ preparation path (co aspirants) for they too might be going through similar phase in one way or another, and you never know how lifelong friendships could develop through this simple gesture. In any case, it's not gonna harm to be kind and helpful.
    Above all, don't let these insecurities creep in your thoughts cause you've been sacrificing so many things just to focus on this preparation. Priorities for now.

  • One of the many perks of being an introvert
    No friends, No fear of losing anyone.

  • @Sanket m also preparing and working also...but the problem is m preparing alone and the upsc test series centres are far away m unable to maintain the intensity continuously...I have attempted mains twice but failed to do u keep up the focus when alone and distracted by work...

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