How to deal with the final week before CSE Final Results?
A friend who appeared for the UPSC interview this year messaged me a couple of days back regarding post interview analysis, and that brought me to the realisation that the final result is just round the corner. I felt like writing a post talking about the emotional roller-coaster the last week before the final result is - the date of the final result can usually be predicted and this induces that pre-result anxiety like none else.
Last year the final result was declared on 27 April 2018.
Exactly a week before that - 20 April - Friday - I was struggling to concentrate on the preparation for the upcoming prelims of the next cycle - but my actions were not in consonance with what I wanted to do - I was torn between studying, solving mock test papers, the strong underlying feeling that I’ve already given my best, the unpredictability of the result, the erratic surprises in the interview, the saturation with studying the same things over and over again and much more.
The day and night before the result
I can clearly recount the events of that day - as I joined my family for dinner that night, I could hardly eat a morsel and I broke down - I cried inconsolably, swinging between action and expectation and desire.
As my parents and my sister talked me out of it, I resolved something - the result was expected the following week and I resolved that till the time the result was declared, I will act only according to what I am desiring- my karma for the exam was over - in the final week I had to have only one dominant emotion in my mind - happiness and positivity - and cut out all that wasn’t helping me with that.
Optimism and Relaxation, I chose
The next couple of days were much more relaxed, with me being consciously and deliberately optimistic about the hardwork I had put in, despite being painfully and acutely aware of the unpredictability of this exam, and then, 2 days later, on Monday I happened to chance by a post by someone who had cleared the exam the previous year - it was pure providence as I didn’t even follow the said person on any social media platform - and it was indeed providential as that post talked about what to do while waiting for the final result and it outlined exactly what I had started doing Friday onwards - thorough newspaper reading, general non-fiction educative reading, and the most important - staying positive (affirmations, visualisations, faith in the hard work, etc).
Why I am recounting this today
The intent behind recounting this background in detail was to give a first hand honest account of my emotions - that post by that senior came as a Godsend - I am not religious but I do believe in Divine faith and I understood that the post was meant to tell me to keep on the path I was on.
I hope it reaches someone who needs this
That nudges me to write this - when I am out of the exam cycle for good, as I believe it will definitely reach someone like me and give them a sliver of faith in these times, as it did to me, and faith can and does indeed move mountains! Just believe!
These days can be really hard - the plethora of emotions, fears, doubts, analyses and the expectation/desire of life on the other side - can and do lead to a constant undertone of being mentally prepared for the worst - and this is where we suffer without reason - for in the most unpredictable exam in this country and probably even the world, self evacuation on artificially perceived standards is completely wrong and damaging.
A short detour to state, once again, my personal opinion (and validated by many others on either side of the grass in this exam) - you might be ticking all the boxes, doing everything right, preparing with the best test series and mentors and guidance, clocking ‘n’ number of hours consistently for ‘m’ number of months, writing all answers perfectly, cramming and understanding respectively all that needs to be, and finally putting your best sitting on those oft-painful benches of the hard-to-locate exam centres that UPSC throws at us - and still you might find yourself stuck at one stage or the other.
Efforts are not always equal to rewards
There is no linear relationship between the ingredients for success in this exam (if any) and ultimate success. Children and siblings of civil servants/ children of coaching teachers/ people already in service do not clear this exam - this just goes on to show the unpredictability of this exam!
In this chaos, to persevere irrespective of the outcome, to keep the faith and to trust the process (because there is no doubt that the process is as fair as can practically be) - the one thread that binds all aspirants is the unwavering faith in their capability to give what this exam needs - relentless hard work and complete surrender.
And now is the time when you need to surrender - one week of not solving prelims mock tests won’t take you back for next year’s cycle - but doing that karma when your heart and mind are at two places isn’t the best strategy, especially when all you need now is positivity.
Why not realise a simple course of action - for the next 7 or so days you have two options - either prepare for the worst and be not-so-positive about the outcome and thus anticipate writing the exam again or going for a back-up, or expect the best and align your efforts with that expectation!
Not going into the physics behind the Universal Laws that govern positivity and positive outcomes and how the Universe responds to our dominant thoughts, I can tell you from a place of personal experience that expecting the best will make the wait easier, will definitely help aligning your results to your desires and at the least, will help you internalise the eternal mantra of any endeavour - you only have the right to work hard, not on the fruits thereof.
I really did not know last year how the Math will add up and get me a place on The Rank List - I was mourning one of toughest optional papers (Geography), I was lamenting over those extra points I could add to the Indian Diaspora question or the Nuclear Science question, the interview was going over and over in my mind constantly since February 20 and I was weighing the prudence of each word I uttered and its impact on my score, and it goes on and on.
Sometimes we worry about things that won't happen in the first place
In fact, before the Mains result I was once even worried about clearing the compulsory language Hindi paper! But I know one thing - one day I decided I just have to list down everything I feel I’ve done correctly in this attempt and there onwards I was constantly sure of one fact - that I have slogged tirelessly for this exam, that irrespective of the result I deserve to be in a service, and that the result is really not a validation of my hardwork.
The result might determine the course of my destiny for a bit, but nobody can take away the blood, sweat and tears that I invested honestly and diligently for my goal - the days I slept with notes in my hands, the days my arms pained out of incessant writing practice answers, the days I revised Laxmikanth for the 100th time with the vigour of the 1st time, the mornings that began not with coffee but with notes on the bedside and the days when despite all fear, I kept going - because it was do or die and my karma!
The final result is a great equaliser
Have a fair assessment, not being too harsh on yourself, and revel in the absolute feeling of having given your best, despite all roadblocks you faced. Trust me, this satisfaction won’t come after either result - this emotion can be appreciated only when the outcome is still in the unseen.
Also, the final result is a great equaliser - already in service, first attempt, interview stage every time etc - all are as scared, as hopeful, as probable to clear it this once. Shed the artificial notion of an assured competition.
And if you can, do read and internalise Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret - it can change your life, and positively, in an instant! It's not about being fatalistic, just about being optimistic.
Make this wait worth it.
Finally, make this wait worth remembering! Don’t stop ever in life, but pat yourself on the back - you’ve come very far - you kept that grit when days were the darkest, it’s your time to prove now that you are worthy of reaping the fruits of your labour not only because you studied and planned well, but because you can keep your head high and sights fixed even when the dawn hasn’t yet arrived (and it is arriving, very soon!).
All the best, always!
PS : thank you Neyawn!
Thank you @katyayani-bhatia15437
@katyayani-bhatia15437 nice write up mam. Keep guiding.
@katyayani-bhatia15437 Can you check if you are able to change your Username / Display name?
@Neyawn unable to!
@katyayani-bhatia15437 said in How to deal with the final week before CSE Final Results?:
@Neyawn unable to!
The Display name? That should be doable
@jackSparrow Can you help her?
will add up and get me a place on The Rank List - I was mourning one of toughest optional papers (Geography), I was lamenting over those extra points I could add to the Indian Diaspora question or the Nuclear Science question, the interview was going over and over in my mind constantly since February 20 and I was weighing the prudence of each word I uttered and its impact on my score, and it goes on and on.
Very well written Katyayani. Especially the "Surrender Now" bit is something which should be followed in general and should not be limited to waiting for result.
@nandini Come here, online!
People are kinda missing you here. The Forum needs you more than Finance Ministry does
@Dreadnought thank you. Glad it resonated. I concur completely, surrendering in faith is a mantra for life, not for specific situations. But this surrender is tested the most in such situations. God bless you! All the best
@root present sir! Always here
@root present sir! Always here
What is the update in the Academy? Whats the D Date?
@root not in the academy right now but will check up and get back on the info!