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How to deal with emotional breakdowns ?

Topic created · 39 Posts · 2066 Views
  • Hello everyone.. i am preparing for upsc from past 3 years . This is my fourth year . So much things have happened in these years that broke my confidence a lot of times . But somehow i rise and again try to shine . But in meantime I have lost all my friends. I am preparing from home . Now most of the times i feel helpless and sad . I feel like i am ignored and lonely on this planet . Everytime a new negative thought emerge in my mind . And it become so huge that i can see it with open eyes . I feel like crying all the times . I want to know is it normal . Or if it is normal how to deal it . ?

  • @Justdoit Check PM

  • @Justdoit it's normal. I feel low during mains which is more horrible. And your name just do it tells you're positive. Feel bad issue. Exam is far. In one month you'll be out of this negative thought

  • @kanailalbal115 thanku . But this name was adopted at the glorious times . But currently from past 2 months i am not in positive state . Tried a lot of things . Moreover I had breakup recently.

  • @Justdoit It is normal, happens to everyone who has been on this journey for quite some time. I couldn't even clear pre in my first 3 attempts. Friend circle will change anyway, even if you had been on other job, you probably would have lost touch with old friends. Stay positive. Once you clear some milestone like mains, you will get your positive energy back.

  • @Justdoit A good book will be your companion...try books like The Alchemist.I will suggest you one thing, if possible please do it- RUN will find a renewed version of yourself in few days.

  • @Justdoit What you're feeling is normal. You need to stop thinking about the fact that new negative thoughts keep coming in your mind. Let them come. Thoughts are like clouds in the sky, they come and they go. Don't engage with them.

    You may find it a good idea to learn more about mindfulness. It is easier said than done but very important for a civil servant.

    Regarding failure, it is again expected and common. But what makes us uncommon is our desire to get up and try again. And uncommon people succeed.

    I have suffered through anxiety disorder and panic attacks, I know how the negativity spiral can take control of us and never let go but please try mindfulness. The best advice I can give is to stop taking life this seriously. Get out of your head, play some games, walk in the park. Engage your senses.

    I would like to quote one of our seniors. You can read the complete article here.

    "Now, metaphorically, let us assume that if you have to walk the road up to LBSNAA, it is a journey of 50,00,000 steps. Maybe it is less or more for you depending on where you are starting from. All you have to do, each day, is to get up and walk 50 steps. And remember that every time you think of the entire long journey, you lose focus of what is in sight and you will end up walking only 10. That isn’t what we want, right? Have the discipline – no matter what happens, you walk 50 steps. Listen to me, my dear. You cannot question your effort, your decisions, your central beliefs every day and every moment. You made a choice, now lock it, put it in a tiny little corner of your mind, and throw the key away. Once you do that, you forget the destination and the distance – you remember only the hard work that you need to do each day. Get up in the morning – work – sleep. Repeat each day until you finish the 50,00,000 steps."

  • @Justdoit even i had break up just before interview..i managed to score quite high. So break up has no relation with studies outcome. But i understand it feels bad. Watch YouTube videos on break up . It is helpful. Why to think of someone who doesn't think of us. Rather by becoming civil servant we can make difference in people's life and ppl will think of us then.

  • @Behemoth Yes . I do running. For 1-2 hours i feel great . But as the day passes, thoughts take over my entire potential. I don’t have thoughts regarding my future . My past mistakes are haunting me

  • Even gym helps. Watch funny videos in youtube. And sometimes do feel proud of your strength you are still on, even though whatever happened

  • @Justdoit Well this may not sound so good but I'd still suggest - put a plastic rubber bank around your hand. Every time a thought creeps it, just pull it. The pain will remind you how much wrong you are doing to yourself.

  • @kanailalbal115 that’s true . I shouldn’t think for someone. But still i do . Sometimes I crave for someone to talk out my heart . To share what’s happening in my life . But at second thought i feel like no this is my journey I should get up and change . But end result is just emptiness and sadness .

  • @Joeyisthebest that’s quite good and innovative 🙂

  • @thistooshallpass really inspiring 🙂

  • @Justdoit and tested.

    Please know even if its your journey (which it is) there is no harm talking to someone and get rid of how you feel about things. Since you constantly are engaged in this battle of whether to talk or not to talk/whom to talk etc. you drain yourself much more than you think. Just do whatever it takes to get your mental peace - NOTHING, absolutely nothing is more important to focus on studies more than that.

  • @Joeyisthebest right . Because of the mental peace i am lagging. And as the time pass , i feel more disturbed

  • @Justdoit It's a vicious cycle. You need to break it and everything will fall into place. If you get your mental peace, you will be able to study more efficiently which will eventually lead to less disturbance.

    Don't get into this confusion of whether to do or not to do something kind of stuff. It will never end. Just flip a coin and you will know when it is up what you really want. Do that and get over it. The more time you spend thinking over it, more you destruct yourself.

  • @Joeyisthebest that’s true .

  • @Justdoit Hi, It is totally relatable. Such emotional ups and downs are normal and are part & parcel of UPSC journey. I have learnt that UPSC is an individual battle and can't be compared with that of other peers. One has to conquer it in their own way. Resilience is the key to succeed. So stay strong and keep pushing yourself to achieve the goal. Remember 'Ant bhala to Sab bhala(all is well if end is well)'
    All the best!

  • @Justdoit Bhai all of us have faced more or less similar situations in this journey ... especially this phase Sept to Dec ..bas it's matter of few moments and parts of our journey ..let it over aap khud bologe ki Kya tha wo chill bro all these things are preparing us for a glorious future a true fighter and a good person.

    Parmar Sir (Vajiram)ke words me arj kiya hai

    All the best bro ..we all are here just a msg away

  • @Arrah_Jila parmar sir’s quotation were inspiring..

  • @Justdoit i think you must make some good friends. Take help of someone who is your very good friend can dedicate time for u. And tell him to continuously keep faith on u. And don't speak to ppl who doubt your capabilities even if it's parents

  • @Justdoit Bro, keep doing it, one day you will shine. Let the crisis makes you strong and you radiate light....Take a little time to study the inspiring PHOENIX bird. It rises from its own ashes. Treat yourself for every positive change you see in yourself. Take care , friend.

  • @Justdoit

    1. you can try praying, if you believe in some higher power.
    2. practicing gratitude also helps. as they say, count your blessings.
    3. although i don't do it presently but journaling helped me express all my thoughts and frustations. it made me feel light and energetic. you can also try it.

    all the best.

  • Hey, few suggestions if you can try out-

    1. don't fight your emotions. Let them pass through you.
    2. Think - where you wish to be after 5 years. What will be in life at that time. (This thought is really powerful). Try to live in that end moment. Consistently try to get back that state.
    3. If you feel you are lonely. Be grateful that you will understand yourself better.
    4. open up as much as possible. If you can't open up it may affect your health physically.
    5. If you had breakup, just say yourself - That person doesn't deserve your love.
    6. Keep yourself busy. (This works wonders). Try to be busy. Try new hobby, new challenging tasks. Learn new art.

    If you need any help can pm me. Hope you will bring that fighter out within you. You matters for yourself and nothing else.

    "Better tomorrow, better the day after, better the day after tomorrow."

  • @Justdoit said in How to deal with emotional breakdowns ?:

    Hello everyone.. i am preparing for upsc from past 3 years . This is my fourth year . So much things have happened in these years that broke my confidence a lot of times . But somehow i rise and again try to shine . But in meantime I have lost all my friends. I am preparing from home . Now most of the times i feel helpless and sad . I feel like i am ignored and lonely on this planet . Everytime a new negative thought emerge in my mind . And it become so huge that i can see it with open eyes . I feel like crying all the times . I want to know is it normal . Or if it is normal how to deal it . ?

    @Justdoit Don't try to deal with it. Negative feelings is like a pig. If you try to wrestle it, pig will enjoy but you will get dirty which only invites more negative feelings. But then how to deal with this daily feeling of being helpless and sad?

    And mind you, you are not being ignored. Its just that people hopped on to escalator called Daily Living and Daily Hustle earlier than you and you are walking as of now. I won't put much emphasis on selection part that once you are selected you will fly and fly. But rather once you become independent, then you will also start ignoring people by virtue of being on that escalator.

    Create an alternate world of your own where you are your best version. How?

    I opted for gym and physical well being. You can search yours.
    It cannot be reading or anything which involves sitting. Movement is essential. For UPSC male aspirants gyming is a nice way to restore one's hormone balance.

    Don't try to seek motivation. It's total crap. Rather everyday do something which makes your self worth increase in your own eyes. It might be teaching (worked for me), helping others, running (worked for me), gyming etc etc.

    One day at a time.

  • @Justdoit

    When I first read this, I wondered if I am the eligible person to answer as I also deal with this periodically as many of us.

    It comes like a season and go. It takes its time.

    Positive thinking, mindfulness, meditation etc will not be practicable during these negative phases, you have to pass through it and accept them.

    But, you have to figure out and realise your trigger points and the elements which brought you back on track. So, you are prepared next time like a fighter.

    Trigger points can be comparison syndrome seeing social media posts, statuses etc. You have to cutoff some of the unwanted notifications from your life. Trigger points can be toxic relatives and neighbours' visits at home.

    Similarly, note carefully when you come out of this phase what brought you out. Sometimes, taking a break out of current environment helps. Watching some worthy cinema which inspires hope like Christopher Nolan movies, some tv series like Chernobyl etc.

    Also, when you fight through it build a resilience wall for the next negative season. Which will be through routine like regular physical fitness regime, a group of friends who understand you, journalling, pursuing hobby etc.

    You are preparing from home which has its own challenges. Also, check if the home environment is not compatible to your preparation, then shift. As in preparation hubs reading rooms helps people studying regularly, check if such an arrangement is possible in your town, some library, some peer group of Upsc aspirants.

    You, can also try to be part of productive online peer activities, like daily answer writing, daily quizes on upsc preparation websites like Insights, Iasbaba etc. Then you will not feel you are preparing in isolation.

    Also, figure out, if anxiety levels are high, immediate support like real counselling visit with a psychologist etc can lower immediate anxiety, as some of us may not have a genuine friend to hear us out. You can try some online counselling anonymously, like

    Worth of your life is bigger than Upsc. So, don't attach any futile yards scale of success and failures. We all have our unique journey, reasons, circumstances and choices.

    Remember, these are just seasons, spring is coming soon.

    Feel free to pm.

  • Some unsolicited gyaan from my side (partly due to my little knowledge of human psychology as result of being a psychology graduate) is that nearly all of our problems are in our head and that stems from not being at peace with where we are in life.

    I had a bad spell of anxiety in my 2nd year of college. It was so bad and I had heard horrors of people who couldn’t go on in life without meds which made them artificially feel better by altering biochemicals. I started having all sorts of physical manifestations of anxiety (psycho-somatic symptoms as we call them), had the first panic attack of my life, disrupted sleep patterns and what not. But, I was lucky I didn’t succumb to my circumstances - all I knew was if I through my own thought pattern have created this mess which is so real and so frightening, then how can I not solve it on my own. It was followed by a period (read weeks) of self reflection, fixing negative thought patterns and obsessive behaviours which our irrational (basically I set myself up for a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT by myself). But in conclusion, I’m fine now. All this seems laughable to me now. But oh in those days, I used to wonder god I’m barely 20 I can’t live my life like this. But that’s just goes on to tell you how we have the power to mend things, to take control. I used to feel I would never feel normal again, never will a time come where I won’t get unexplained heartracing, or feel dizzy without any reason - but I was so wrong. I am still here and I’m finer than ever. Stronger than ever (at least mentally).

    Obviously easier said than done. But I would deviate from others who want you to focus on the “result” of this preparation period and say that actually focus on this period itself. Accept it as your life and accept that’s okay whatever it is as you’ve chosen this for yourself. This requires a lot of courage, standing up to yourself and accepting whatever comes as consequence of your actions. When you think of this as a transition period to LIFE, which is your life after qualifying this exam, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. This phase, this day, this moment is as much your life as would be the day you find your name on that list, or any other great life moments. Life is everyday, repeated.

    There’s this philosophy school called existentialism. They basically believe that we determine our own life thorough our actions. I think it’s actually profound and would help everyone find meaning in their day to day actions.
    So chin up, you get to create your own reality. Start where you are, what you have, and do what you can.

  • Focus more on whats before your eyes than what's in your mind. Treat the latter as you would treat an unwanted guest. Mauz karo, thoda ghoomo firo... and eat nutritious. Sab thik ho jayega.

  • Life is difficult. But more than that it is unfair. More unfair than you ever imagined it to be. Accept this cruel truth. And believe what ever it is, it too shall pass. It always does. Stay strong.

    More importantly, accept that you have broken up with your ex. Let this fact sink in. And make that decision that you will never be getting back with her/him. Nor would you ever talk with that person ever again. Most important part of this thought process is to accept the finality of the decision, in all manners. And write down on a piece of paper why your relationship would never work. Be as ruthless as your vocab allows you to be. Read and re-read that paper. Talk to your friends about it. It will seem to help you for sometime, but it doesn't. So your call on this. But socialise. And talk with anyone including mother if want to. The biggest mistake you can commit is to seek closure. It is mythical.and forgive your ex if you think she/he has wronged you.

    And then keep preparation for this exam. Remember the goal. Don't negotiate with yourself. Just try to focus and read that -whatever was planned. The more intensive and thought provoking the material, the better. Try physical exercises and what not. But plan your study schedule and you must give your all to achieve those daily targets. It may create a virtuous cycle. See how this goes. And in few days, 15-20 days, you will be alright.

    All the best!!!

  • I was just scrolling down the topics found this thread the first thing that came to my mind was
    "The four Noble truths of Buddha":
    ▪︎The world is full of suffering
    ▪The cause of suffering is desire
    ▪︎If desires are get ridoff ,suffering can be removed, following the 8 fold path :
    #rightview,right resolve,right speech ,right conduct,right livelihood,Right effort, **Right mindfulness ** ,and Right concentration .

    P.S: It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

    Good luck ,see u in LBSNAA soon ✌

  • Thanku everyone.. you all are truest blessings. Your words really motivated me a lot . I didn’t expected this . This journey has really made us helping hand irrespective of increasing competition . I shall follow all your tips . I just wish you all achieve your goals . 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • @Hermione_Granger which is good book for psychology?

  • @Hermione_Granger brave of you to step into civils prep after going through that in college 👍

  • @Hermione_Granger BPD eh?

  • @Sommerfeld No, no - just anxiety. I almost never feel it now 🙂 so that’s that. Thank god I never ventured into full blown meds and stuck with dealing it mentally, it’s a big problem for those who can’t.

  • @tourist Ah it’s no big deal. Tonnes of people have anxiety. It’s a natural emotion and it’s not really a problem until it alters with your day to day life. Back then it did. Took me a while but I’m 100% fine now. People exaggerate it so much - even I did when I suffered from anxiety back then. But it’s okay. Once you get back to being yourself you realise how blown out of proportion your own reactions were to the circumstances. People don’t like to hear “it’s all in your head” when they’re suffering psychologically - cause they know it’s real. Oh it is real - but it’s also true that literally it’s all in your head. 🙂

  • @yadav_l sorry I didn’t choose psychology as optional.

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