How to deal with emotional breakdowns ?
@Arrah_Jila parmar sir’s quotation were inspiring..
@Justdoit i think you must make some good friends. Take help of someone who is your very good friend can dedicate time for u. And tell him to continuously keep faith on u. And don't speak to ppl who doubt your capabilities even if it's parents
@Justdoit Bro, keep doing it, one day you will shine. Let the crisis makes you strong and you radiate light....Take a little time to study the inspiring PHOENIX bird. It rises from its own ashes. Treat yourself for every positive change you see in yourself. Take care , friend.
- you can try praying, if you believe in some higher power.
- practicing gratitude also helps. as they say, count your blessings.
- although i don't do it presently but journaling helped me express all my thoughts and frustations. it made me feel light and energetic. you can also try it.
all the best.
Hey, few suggestions if you can try out-
- don't fight your emotions. Let them pass through you.
- Think - where you wish to be after 5 years. What will be in life at that time. (This thought is really powerful). Try to live in that end moment. Consistently try to get back that state.
- If you feel you are lonely. Be grateful that you will understand yourself better.
- open up as much as possible. If you can't open up it may affect your health physically.
- If you had breakup, just say yourself - That person doesn't deserve your love.
- Keep yourself busy. (This works wonders). Try to be busy. Try new hobby, new challenging tasks. Learn new art.
If you need any help can pm me. Hope you will bring that fighter out within you. You matters for yourself and nothing else.
"Better tomorrow, better the day after, better the day after tomorrow."
Hello everyone.. i am preparing for upsc from past 3 years . This is my fourth year . So much things have happened in these years that broke my confidence a lot of times . But somehow i rise and again try to shine . But in meantime I have lost all my friends. I am preparing from home . Now most of the times i feel helpless and sad . I feel like i am ignored and lonely on this planet . Everytime a new negative thought emerge in my mind . And it become so huge that i can see it with open eyes . I feel like crying all the times . I want to know is it normal . Or if it is normal how to deal it . ?
@Justdoit Don't try to deal with it. Negative feelings is like a pig. If you try to wrestle it, pig will enjoy but you will get dirty which only invites more negative feelings. But then how to deal with this daily feeling of being helpless and sad?
And mind you, you are not being ignored. Its just that people hopped on to escalator called Daily Living and Daily Hustle earlier than you and you are walking as of now. I won't put much emphasis on selection part that once you are selected you will fly and fly. But rather once you become independent, then you will also start ignoring people by virtue of being on that escalator.
Create an alternate world of your own where you are your best version. How?
I opted for gym and physical well being. You can search yours.
It cannot be reading or anything which involves sitting. Movement is essential. For UPSC male aspirants gyming is a nice way to restore one's hormone balance.
Don't try to seek motivation. It's total crap. Rather everyday do something which makes your self worth increase in your own eyes. It might be teaching (worked for me), helping others, running (worked for me), gyming etc etc.
One day at a time.
When I first read this, I wondered if I am the eligible person to answer as I also deal with this periodically as many of us.
It comes like a season and go. It takes its time.
Positive thinking, mindfulness, meditation etc will not be practicable during these negative phases, you have to pass through it and accept them.
But, you have to figure out and realise your trigger points and the elements which brought you back on track. So, you are prepared next time like a fighter.
Trigger points can be comparison syndrome seeing social media posts, statuses etc. You have to cutoff some of the unwanted notifications from your life. Trigger points can be toxic relatives and neighbours' visits at home.
Similarly, note carefully when you come out of this phase what brought you out. Sometimes, taking a break out of current environment helps. Watching some worthy cinema which inspires hope like Christopher Nolan movies, some tv series like Chernobyl etc.
Also, when you fight through it build a resilience wall for the next negative season. Which will be through routine like regular physical fitness regime, a group of friends who understand you, journalling, pursuing hobby etc.
You are preparing from home which has its own challenges. Also, check if the home environment is not compatible to your preparation, then shift. As in preparation hubs reading rooms helps people studying regularly, check if such an arrangement is possible in your town, some library, some peer group of Upsc aspirants.
You, can also try to be part of productive online peer activities, like daily answer writing, daily quizes on upsc preparation websites like Insights, Iasbaba etc. Then you will not feel you are preparing in isolation.
Also, figure out, if anxiety levels are high, immediate support like real counselling visit with a psychologist etc can lower immediate anxiety, as some of us may not have a genuine friend to hear us out. You can try some online counselling anonymously, like yourdost.com.
Worth of your life is bigger than Upsc. So, don't attach any futile yards scale of success and failures. We all have our unique journey, reasons, circumstances and choices.
Remember, these are just seasons, spring is coming soon.
Feel free to pm.
Some unsolicited gyaan from my side (partly due to my little knowledge of human psychology as result of being a psychology graduate) is that nearly all of our problems are in our head and that stems from not being at peace with where we are in life.
I had a bad spell of anxiety in my 2nd year of college. It was so bad and I had heard horrors of people who couldn’t go on in life without meds which made them artificially feel better by altering biochemicals. I started having all sorts of physical manifestations of anxiety (psycho-somatic symptoms as we call them), had the first panic attack of my life, disrupted sleep patterns and what not. But, I was lucky I didn’t succumb to my circumstances - all I knew was if I through my own thought pattern have created this mess which is so real and so frightening, then how can I not solve it on my own. It was followed by a period (read weeks) of self reflection, fixing negative thought patterns and obsessive behaviours which our irrational (basically I set myself up for a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT by myself). But in conclusion, I’m fine now. All this seems laughable to me now. But oh in those days, I used to wonder god I’m barely 20 I can’t live my life like this. But that’s just goes on to tell you how we have the power to mend things, to take control. I used to feel I would never feel normal again, never will a time come where I won’t get unexplained heartracing, or feel dizzy without any reason - but I was so wrong. I am still here and I’m finer than ever. Stronger than ever (at least mentally).
Obviously easier said than done. But I would deviate from others who want you to focus on the “result” of this preparation period and say that actually focus on this period itself. Accept it as your life and accept that’s okay whatever it is as you’ve chosen this for yourself. This requires a lot of courage, standing up to yourself and accepting whatever comes as consequence of your actions. When you think of this as a transition period to LIFE, which is your life after qualifying this exam, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. This phase, this day, this moment is as much your life as would be the day you find your name on that list, or any other great life moments. Life is everyday, repeated.
There’s this philosophy school called existentialism. They basically believe that we determine our own life thorough our actions. I think it’s actually profound and would help everyone find meaning in their day to day actions.
So chin up, you get to create your own reality. Start where you are, what you have, and do what you can.
Focus more on whats before your eyes than what's in your mind. Treat the latter as you would treat an unwanted guest. Mauz karo, thoda ghoomo firo... and eat nutritious. Sab thik ho jayega.
Life is difficult. But more than that it is unfair. More unfair than you ever imagined it to be. Accept this cruel truth. And believe what ever it is, it too shall pass. It always does. Stay strong.
More importantly, accept that you have broken up with your ex. Let this fact sink in. And make that decision that you will never be getting back with her/him. Nor would you ever talk with that person ever again. Most important part of this thought process is to accept the finality of the decision, in all manners. And write down on a piece of paper why your relationship would never work. Be as ruthless as your vocab allows you to be. Read and re-read that paper. Talk to your friends about it. It will seem to help you for sometime, but it doesn't. So your call on this. But socialise. And talk with anyone including mother if want to. The biggest mistake you can commit is to seek closure. It is mythical.and forgive your ex if you think she/he has wronged you.
And then keep preparation for this exam. Remember the goal. Don't negotiate with yourself. Just try to focus and read that -whatever was planned. The more intensive and thought provoking the material, the better. Try physical exercises and what not. But plan your study schedule and you must give your all to achieve those daily targets. It may create a virtuous cycle. See how this goes. And in few days, 15-20 days, you will be alright.
All the best!!!
I was just scrolling down the topics found this thread the first thing that came to my mind was
"The four Noble truths of Buddha":
︎The world is full of suffering
The cause of suffering is desire
︎If desires are get ridoff ,suffering can be removed, following the 8 fold path :
#rightview,right resolve,right speech ,right conduct,right livelihood,Right effort, **Right mindfulness ** ,and Right concentration .
P.S: It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
Good luck ,see u in LBSNAA soon
Thanku everyone.. you all are truest blessings. Your words really motivated me a lot . I didn’t expected this . This journey has really made us helping hand irrespective of increasing competition . I shall follow all your tips . I just wish you all achieve your goals .
@Hermione_Granger which is good book for psychology?
@Hermione_Granger brave of you to step into civils prep after going through that in college
@Hermione_Granger BPD eh?
@Sommerfeld No, no - just anxiety. I almost never feel it now so that’s that. Thank god I never ventured into full blown meds and stuck with dealing it mentally, it’s a big problem for those who can’t.
@tourist Ah it’s no big deal. Tonnes of people have anxiety. It’s a natural emotion and it’s not really a problem until it alters with your day to day life. Back then it did. Took me a while but I’m 100% fine now. People exaggerate it so much - even I did when I suffered from anxiety back then. But it’s okay. Once you get back to being yourself you realise how blown out of proportion your own reactions were to the circumstances. People don’t like to hear “it’s all in your head” when they’re suffering psychologically - cause they know it’s real. Oh it is real - but it’s also true that literally it’s all in your head.
@yadav_l sorry I didn’t choose psychology as optional.